Comments for THE CRAZY-MAKING HUSBAND http://thecrazy-makinghusband.com/blog Validation, Information, And Support For Wives Who Suffer Crazy-Making Mon, 06 Feb 2012 01:53:15 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.1 Comment on Verbal Abuse Damage Is Not Confined To Its Target by Snoopy Dance! | My Verbally Abusive Marriage http://thecrazy-makinghusband.com/blog/2009/06/05/verbal-abuse-damage-is-not-confined-to-its-target/#comment-9 Snoopy Dance! | My Verbally Abusive Marriage Sun, 07 Jun 2009 07:47:23 +0000 http://thecrazy-makinghusband.com/blog/?p=202#comment-9 [...] I am feeling really really good right now. My blog is spot-lighted on The Crazy Making Husband! [...] [...] I am feeling really really good right now. My blog is spot-lighted on The Crazy Making Husband! [...]

]]> Comment on In Your Marriage, Are You ‘You’ Any More? by Muffy Gibson http://thecrazy-makinghusband.com/blog/2009/03/02/in-your-marriage-are-you-you-any-more/#comment-7 Muffy Gibson Wed, 20 May 2009 14:05:42 +0000 http://thecrazy-makinghusband.com/blog/?p=147#comment-7 A story with a salient point. As we begin to emerge from the snares of marital crazy-making, we assess situations far differently. What may have felt amusing in the past is no longer funny; it is exquisitely painful. Classic in its technique, a husband's assigning more and more of his responsibilities to his wife, while 'demanding' that his world-views be the management perspective, clearly communicates his core assessment of her. Be careful about what may be happening re: power. In healthy relationships, power is mutually shared, and never usurped by one spouse. Working with the brother of a woman who was murdered by her husband of twenty years, I am acutely aware of the dangers of life with a man who increasingly demands control of his wife's life. That said, military service today is dreadfully stressful. I wonder, were he not on active duty, would his attitudes differ? If he qualifies as THE CRAZY-MAKING HUSBAND, they would not. He'd just find different excuses. An insidious fallout of this sort of marital interaction can be depression. No matter how we 'know' that our husband's attitudes are faulty, no matter how much comfort we derive from friends and colleagues, still, the reality of his feelings about us exists. Intimacy = vulnerablity. No matter who we are, no matter how strong, our Spirit cannot help but feel deflated when the person with whom we have entrusted our lives negates, dismisses, and diminishes who we are. A story with a salient point. As we begin to emerge from the snares of marital crazy-making, we assess situations far differently. What may have felt amusing in the past is no longer funny; it is exquisitely painful.

Classic in its technique, a husband’s assigning more and more of his responsibilities to his wife, while ‘demanding’ that his world-views be the management perspective, clearly communicates his core assessment of her.

Be careful about what may be happening re: power. In healthy relationships, power is mutually shared, and never usurped by one spouse. Working with the brother of a woman who was murdered by her husband of twenty years, I am acutely aware of the dangers of life with a man who increasingly demands control of his wife’s life.

That said, military service today is dreadfully stressful. I wonder, were he not on active duty, would his attitudes differ? If he qualifies as THE CRAZY-MAKING HUSBAND, they would not. He’d just find different excuses.

An insidious fallout of this sort of marital interaction can be depression. No matter how we ‘know’ that our husband’s attitudes are faulty, no matter how much comfort we derive from friends and colleagues, still, the reality of his feelings about us exists. Intimacy = vulnerablity. No matter who we are, no matter how strong, our Spirit cannot help but feel deflated when the person with whom we have entrusted our lives negates, dismisses, and diminishes who we are.

]]> Comment on In Your Marriage, Are You ‘You’ Any More? by abuse_journals http://thecrazy-makinghusband.com/blog/2009/03/02/in-your-marriage-are-you-you-any-more/#comment-6 abuse_journals Wed, 20 May 2009 02:48:56 +0000 http://thecrazy-makinghusband.com/blog/?p=147#comment-6 One time, my husband told me that it was my job to teach our boys his perspective of the world because he was away so much on deployment. (We won't even say how often he's "absent" even when he's home...). He said that I should act like him and if I had any questions, I could email him and he would tell me what to do and say. WHAT?! I told him that he was not going to war, and that his AO had internet access and if that went down, he could mail letters for free in order to share his world-view with his children. He said, "That's ridiculous! You know I don't write!" The really funny thing is that if he'd said that to me a year ago, I would be emailing him every day to find out how to respond. Funny? or Sad? One time, my husband told me that it was my job to teach our boys his perspective of the world because he was away so much on deployment. (We won’t even say how often he’s “absent” even when he’s home…). He said that I should act like him and if I had any questions, I could email him and he would tell me what to do and say.

WHAT?!

I told him that he was not going to war, and that his AO had internet access and if that went down, he could mail letters for free in order to share his world-view with his children.

He said, “That’s ridiculous! You know I don’t write!”

The really funny thing is that if he’d said that to me a year ago, I would be emailing him every day to find out how to respond. Funny? or Sad?

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