- Why THE CRAZY-MAKING HUSBAND?
- Why humor?
- Just what is crazy-making?
- Why did you choose the woodcuts you did?
- Why this book now?
- How does a wife know for sure if her husband is a Crazy-Maker?
- Is it really possible to remain married to a Crazy-Making Husband, and as you put it, 're-claim your sanity, your dignity, and your peace of mind'?
- What is your single most important piece of advice for a woman who lives with a Crazy-Making Husband?
- What is your hope for this book?
- What other titles do you envision in this series?
1. Why THE CRAZY-MAKING HUSBAND?
I am a woman who married for 'love' -- ignoring or defying all warning signs that perhaps my choice was not the best one to be had. And lo and behold, when our new-love glow began to dim a bit, and our life together needed to be planned and protected, faced with my expectations, my husband responded with crazy-making behavior.
Despite my firm resolve, after a year of his crazy-making, I succumbed -- and soon felt my sanity slipping.
Writer that I am, my self-help was to conceptualize, write and publish THE CRAZY-MAKING HUSBAND.
As I prepared this book for publication, I had conversations with scores of women about their marriages. My instinct was [sadly] validated: a huge number of women suffer from crazy-making behavior by their husbands.
The effects of a husband's crazy-making play out across a wife's entire spectrum of life-experience: emotional, mental, professional, social, and medical. What's more, there is horrible fallout in families.
2. Why humor?
Though we often seek to solve our problems by seeking professional help, and/or reading self-help, another effective method exists: commiseration via humor!
THE CRAZY-MAKING HUSBAND demonstrates the power of humor, and of commiseration. Humor can help us process information that otherwise coated would be bitter indeed; and offers the immensely beneficial properties of laughter. Commiseration, of course, strengthens our awakening and our resolve. It validates our experience. Working together, they can truly help extricate us from the snares of our husbands' crazy-making.
3. Just what is crazy-making?
Crazy-making by a husband is any behavior that makes a wife feel her [and her children's] legitimate needs, wishes and dreams are not only invalid, they are foolish and deserving of ridicule, criticism, negation and contempt. This includes her legitimate need for being valued, respected, cherished, genuinely loved and protected. It includes her entitlement to a posture of respectability in her social surroundings. It also includes her and her children's need to be financially secure.
Crazy-making can be verbal and non-verbal, overt and hidden, messages sent and messages that should be sent and are not, and inappropriate behavior toward a wife and her significant others -- as well as the absence of appropriate behavior.
It can be innate / 'inherited' [via the example of adult men in a man's early life, especially his father] or it can be acquired [via mimicking bad behavior in his social circle, the news, or the entertainment media].
It can be expressed quietly, or via contemptuous rage. It can be expressed in his thinking, his feelings [or lack of them] and/or in his actions.
A woman's emotional disarray could very well be the result of regular interaction [and mal-attunement] with a Crazy-Making Husband.
A husband's crazy-making behavior is any and all behavior that threatens his wife's sense of safety, dignity, empowerment, love-worthiness, security, and/or intrinsic positive value to the family.
4. Why did you choose the woodcuts you did?
Many years ago, when I was an undergraduate at Harvard, I took a wonderful class with Professor Albert Lord [author, The Singer Of Tales]. Entitled "Oral And Early Literature" I learned about the power and the pervasiveness of archetypes.
To me, these woodcuts are archetypes -- visually displaying THE CRAZY-MAKING HUSBAND in a wide array of manifestations. The Shirker. The Escape Artist. The Narcissist. To name a few.
Plus, the images are fabulous! Their detail, high contrast, applicability, ambiguity, humor, evocative power -- all had me swooning. I had as much fun creating their captions as I did writing the book!
5. Why this book now?
In our contemporary culture, Crazy-Making behavior by husbands is epidemic. More wives than not immediately perk up when they hear the phrase "Crazy-Making Husband". They laugh. They identify.
To be fair, these men are suffering too, though in a different way. Commencing, in most cases, with early childhood developmental deficits, when face to face in an intimate relationship with a woman, all sorts of prickly dys-dynamics erupt. He may, for example, experience heightened insecurity about his value in the family unit -- today, many wives appear to not 'need' their husbands in the way historically women have 'needed' men. A diminished sense of power in the home may also be operative -- women now have money in a way they did not historically, affording them many decision-making options. Another stimulus may be fear of sexual inadequacy, and/or fear of infidelity by their wives, due to the tremendous cultural emphasis placed upon sexual gratification.
The more we humans 'evolve' [ahem], the higher our expectations. We really believe that we can have everything! [And we feel painfully shamed when we don't.] As a society, we have a lot to sort out. But in the meantime, we wives need to protect and preserve our 'sanity' and our sense of well-being. We need to band together and refuse to succumb to crazy-making by our husbands.
6. How does a wife know for sure if her husband is a Crazy-Maker?
In some marriages, it's clear. There is absolutely no doubt he drives you crazy. Yet in others, the crazy-making is subtle, covert and very very damaging because the end result is that you as a wife feel something is wrong with you to feel so discontented, anxious, and even physically ill.
Crazy-making is erosive. It wears away your sense of self-esteem, your joie de vivre, and ultimately, your belief that life can be happy, rewarding, secure -- and blissfully sane and serene.
7. Is it really possible to remain married to a Crazy-Making Husband, and as you put it, 're-claim your sanity, your dignity, and your peace of mind'?
Oh dear. Isn't this a lovely goal? I think that in some situations, definitely, marriage to a Crazy-Maker can be tolerated, if the wife can find a way to get her and her children's legitimate needs met -- all while protecting herself from his toxins. There are many marriages worth preserving, for many and often complex reasons.
On the other hand, when a Crazy-Maker has you so damaged and distressed that your emotional, mental and/or physical health is in jeopardy, and when genuine attempts to help him improve his behavior fail, separation is truly your only viable option.
8. What is your single most important piece of advice for a woman who lives with a Crazy-Making Husband?
Find a turning point in your awareness, hook on to it, and don't let go. For me, this occurred when my husband negated and diminished the severity of a major staph infection I had contracted in my hands.
Whatever is most salient, whatever TRUTH you can let in [without it totally paralyzing or deflating you], let it in, and use its power to fortify you in your efforts to extricate your self from the snares of his crazy-making.
9. What is your hope for this book?
Some may think that a humor book is frivolous. Yet, if you look carefully at this book, it is very deep -- it is, in its very essence, an empathic voice, a helping hand, a discerning mind, a mentoring heart. One of my press releases describes THE CRAZY-MAKING HUSBAND as a "compellingly sane bedside companion".
And that's my hope. That I offer women who feel their frazzled state is a result of something lacking within them, or wrong with them, that NO, it's not their weakness. Nor is it their misperception. It's their chronic toxic exposure to an intimate other who, consciously or otherwise, is truly eroding their sanity.
10. What other titles do you envision in this series?
In nature, every species has varieties. The Crazy-Making Husband is no exception.
To serve the specific needs of high-power women whose husbands drive them crazy, I've got an upcoming title.cc00
And of course, I will continue on with THE CRAZED WIVES GUIDE TO DISCIPLINING [AND THEREBY MATURING] HER CRAZY-MAKING HUSBAND.
As would be expected, the more women I meet, and the more I ponder male crazy-making, more RULES have come to my attention. So there will be a second round of Crazy-Making Husband exposure -- a sequel to this book.
Author: Muffy Gibson
Softcover | $13.99
80 pages
Categories:
HUMOR: Relationships
FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS: Marriage
ISBN: 978-0-9776781-3-6 Paperback
ISBN: 978-0-9776781-8-0 Ebook
